Manchester United Fans Hated Cristiano Ronaldo Secretly

Now Red Devils fans can laugh at him like the rest of us!

There is a dark secret at the heart of every Manchester United fan that is revealed only in their weakest moments ... that is, when drink has been taken.

The secret has been held for six years, suppressed in the more sinister recesses of the mind, along with their worst childhood memories and any suggestion that that the 5-1 drubbing at the hands of Manchester City actually took place.

Now though, it can be revealed, a guilt laid bare to finally be absolved, a darkness at their very core where light can now finally be admitted. The secret at the heart of every true Manchester United fan is they never actually liked Cristiano Ronaldo!

Of course, they defended him to the hilt, lauded his incredible talent, sang songs about his deeds, and tried, with the resolve of the zealot, to place him on the pedestal where King Eric was worshipped. Oh how they tried.

Now he's gone though, that secret can be laid bare, and the United fan, the true football fan, can join the rest of us in admitting that, for all his talent, for all his sublime skill and match-winning ability, Cristiano Ronaldo is, well, just a little bit naff.

Like the rest of us, they can now laugh at his preening, posturing image, his shaved legs and his ridiculous fashion sense straight out of Queer as Folk. They can now condemn with the rest of us his Hollywood entourage that puts Jennifer Lopez to shame, and sneer at his on-pitch antics - all that flouncing and flirting that has never sat comfortably in a still essentially working class sport.

More importantly though, now he is set to play for Real Madrid, United fans can condemn his cheating, the diving and play-acting that meant he can never be regarded as a truly great footballer, no matter how great his natural talent is.

OK, I'll admit it. I have many Manchester United friends, though that's not something you reveal lightly in polite society. And I know their minds, their sinister thoughts, because, simple souls that they are, they can't disguise their true feelings. And deep down they HATED Ronaldo's cheating, hated the triple salko with a twist he performed every time a defender had the audacity to look at him.

No self-respecting Manchester United fan could ever look you in the eye and defend such crass behaviour, because no true football fan believes it can ever be part of the sport they love. Raise the subject, and they mumble something almost incoherent about jealously and him 'getting better'.

But they hated it as much as we did, Ronaldo's Tom Daley impression, and now they can laugh at his ridiculous antics as much as the rest of us, because the Winker's move to Real Madrid has confirmed to them what they knew all along, but were simply too afraid to admit, release as it would, their inner demons.

In choosing to turn his back on Manchester United and choose the film star lifestyle in Madrid, Ronaldo has confirmed to Reds throughout the world that he really IS style over substance, that the glamour of being a Galactico is more important that trophies, more important than being a REAL footballer.

In choosing to go to Madrid, Ronaldo has gambled on his standing within the game, has risked his chance of ever being regarded by history as a true great.

At United, he was a match-winner, true, but only because he had a team around him that allowed him to shine, that allowed him to deliver his sublime coup de grace. He will not have that at Madrid, no matter how much money they spend, because they will be a collection of superstars, and not a team, as David Beckham discovered when he won just one trophy there in four years.

So in making that decision, Ronnie has revealed his true self to the United fans. He has told them that everything they feared, everything they tried to suppress, is actually true. He has told them he believes he is a film star, not a footballer.

That decision allows them the freedom to point the finger and belly laugh like the rest of us have always done, allows them to admit that yes, for all his skill he is still a cheating so-and-so. It allows the fan who still believes in football as a representation of the nobility of the working classes to condemn this distillation of all that is evil in the modern game.

I received a text this morning from a Manchester United fan, offering a new song about Ronaldo. It is sung to the tune of the Hokey Cokey, and sums up rather well their feelings now that he has gone.

Much of it is too close to the bone to repeat here, but suffice to say, that he puts his transfer request in, his transfer request out, and he, naturally enough, shakes it all about. The chorus concludes with the line: Knees bend, arms stretch, dive dive dive, which sums up their feelings perfectly.

At last, the secret is out, and millions of United fans the world over can feel the joy of absolution for contrition of their mortal sin today.

source : mirror.co.uk